Sometimes it kills to be brave—
but if I’m not, my soul I’ll stone.
II of Wands Spell
Scrying and crying in front of the fire,
my mind's a puddle— and it's dire.
I can sit still, drowning and frowning—
but eventually, I'll need to plan my
crowning...
Remain and insane,
with all that looks-pretty but isn't true—
Bucket my own fever, but bellow the zoo...
Get back in my cage for the inevitable
round two...
Or—the same scene, but different,
with all that is-pretty, but new—
Bellow my own fervor, but bucket the crew...
Get out of this house of pain, askew...
Fear sits in the middle of my throat—
plopping and dropping on my voice
till it croaks.
The comfort of the flames flickers,
but the thought of leaving makes me sicker.
Where would I go?
Who would I be?
Could I really escape what they've done to me?
Will I blame them all for eternity?
Do they deserve that—really?
Maybe I can forgive, fully?
Or, can I make it out,
forgetting it all,
entirely?
Put the fire out—
scream, run and shout?
Stay at this home of hell
and wait until she's well?
A Smother hides
all that stinks.
A Fucker lies
when he speaks.
If I blow— blow, blow—
the whole house might come down,
but at least I can get the fuck out of this town.
Bellows bulged, full of hot air;
the chimney's stacked with smoke.
Bucket brimmed, full within—
which one of these has hope?
Shall I bucket my will, stay, and take pills,
but fuel everything I despise?
Will I bucket their dysfunction,
barely function,
but fuel all I value and prize?
It’s not cozy in this place at all,
but outside I’m all alone.
Sometimes it kills to be brave—
but if I'm not, my soul I’ll stone.
Bucket my bellows,
take in lots of fellows—
most of them have the same face.
Bellow my buckets,
and just say, oh, fuck it!
Ghost it all with some grace.
With each passing second,
I dread this direction
simply because I must choose...
I know that reality
can be a calamity,
but it's only what
I believe
to be true.
Keywords & Card Content
KEYWORDS: MAKING DECISIONS, PLANNING, WEIGHING OPTIONS, TAKING RISKS
IMAGE
Full of the energy of the Ace of Wands but not sure what to do with it, Eight sits. She’s contemplating her best course of action, which shouldn’t be that complicated. The trouble is, her decision is a heavy one and involves great risks. With great risks, come great rewards or terrible consequences. She’s not sure which decision goes with which outcome. So, she continues to ruminate. She has a bucket and a bellows, one on either side, completely equal in power: one meant to end the flames, the other to fuel the fire. She still has complete control over the magick inside of her. She still possesses the strength of all the elements, but if she’s not careful, all this mulling over can cause her to end up not making any decision at all. This isn’t a stalemate, though. She’s carefully planning how and where she wants to expand. She’s calculating all the pros and cons before committing. And, she will, eventually make the right decision for that time, place, and situation. The problem she’s having is the two choices appear to be the same! One is pretty but fake yet familiar. The other might be pretty but could be unsafe because it’s unknown. To leave the comfort of a home that’s not that comfortable shouldn’t be that hard unless the ramifications of that decision make your new path more difficult.
DIVINATORY MEANING
The Two of Wands begs you to consider your options before making this decision. Comfort or adventure? Risk or no risk–ah, but there’s always a risk! Your future is right in front of you, if only you’ll commit. But, isn’t that the tricky part? The follow-through of actually choosing? You’re ready to expand your idea, whatever it is, but you’re not sure which way will be the most successful or empowering. You can stay with which you are comfortable or you can take a risk and maybe find yourself in a worse spot. But, if you are always afraid of taking chances, will you ever really grow? Fear can catapult you to somewhere even better than where you are; but, that fear can also save you from experiencing an unfortunate event. You’re so very pensive and thoughtful! It’s amazing how far you’ve come with your confidence in such a short time. Careful not to sit near the fire too long…you might just fall asleep or get burned!
EIGHT’S INSIGHT
It’s a million times more difficult to make decisions when you’re in a sensitive state; and if you’ve got a reason to be sensitive, then that decision can feel impossible. Although things seem like they might be better outside, you’re afraid to give up the comforts of home on a whim, which is precisely why you’re circling back on your reasoning. Over and over again, you keep convincing yourself to leave…then you are gaslit…even from your own self…into staying. On the other side of this trick: you keep wanting to stay, convincing yourself how great the unknown is…without even knowing what it is. You’re up all night, 3 a.m. again in fright, or being forced to stay or to leave. Your indecision is bucketing your own fire, for sure! But if you bellow the wrong flames you could end up in quite the predicament. So instead of choosing, you’re just sitting, staring at that fire, hoping to see something in it, within you, that burns. There are only a few times in your life where you even have the blessing of making such a decision. If it doesn’t work out, just try again. If someone is trying to get you to stay in a home that’s not a home, consider seeking outside assistance. Manipulation and love-bombing are not things to base this or any decision upon. Stay steady in your idea and get back to believing in yourself. Just choose the path that bellows the actual confidence that’s living inside you.
If your idea is to save yourself from a toxic relationship or family, trust in yourself. It’s not going to be easy to walk away from family, but the family you had isn’t really a family at all. It’s the idea of a family you’re pining over. You’ll have to listen to your inner conscience that you are doing the right thing for yourself. It’s okay to leave a place if that place is stomping on your soul. It’s okay to be alone instead of staying with a family that doesn’t treat you with the respect, love, kindness, and honesty you deserve.