III of Swords Spell
The smoke-filled clouds sent a warning
but within me no fear was churning.
It's like I hoped death was nearing
so that my body could stop its fearing.
Hello, Mother,
Hello, Father,
Can you love me?
Or is it a bother?
I know you wanted a son, not another daughter.
But I suppose I'll suffice for the needless slaughter.
Stop the pother,
Mother.
Father.
Lover.
Sisters,
tricksters.
Endless unkindness, empathy resistors.
I'm aware of your presence
and your lack of pleasance.
This stress presses around my neck
and my heart is getting stretched.
You think you own me;
but I'm my own property
as soon as you get up off of me.
You're the drama, Mama.
Papa, Soul Stopper.
Childhood Choppers.
Angry, jealous parents.
None of it could ever make sense.
Making kids into lovers.
Secrets under the covers.
Blankets bury blood.
Fans silence grunts.
From the beginning,
your fangs were dripping
and sipping
what you needed and more.
Pour another, and another for me.
Chain me to this whiskey,
Violence can be so pretty,
said nobody.
Poor me! Pour me
into another,
a different mother, father, lover,
so I can be free.
Divide me into pieces
so that my feeling decreases.
Release me of this
hissing, soul-missing
controlling, steam-rolling, deep abyss
of abysmal black, false bliss.
This forced kiss,
This hug shove,
A poison pill,
A prison chill.
I watched it from above.
The strangled pup wouldn't get up,
laying there, lying there,
alive-dead
no more red...
nothing more to dread.
The mom left.
The dad had his ultimate theft.
All, not something, is amiss...
there's only control behind that kiss.
In the dark hours,
cowering under their power,
I'm calm with the hope of a miss of blitz.
And the day when I can move on from this.
Divide me into pieces
so that my feeling decreases.
EMOTIONAL OVERWHELM, HEART SHATTER, INTENSE LOSS
Three doesn’t always have to mean positive energy. Threes can just be really active, passionate energy which sometimes can be dangerous. Stones and sticks can bust my body, but words can’t really harm me? Not so! Dark rumination over what someone has said can cause such upset within our psyche. If you allow it to do so. Acting like what someone has said doesn’t bother you and then waiting for those internal wounds to fester only locks in hurt. Instead of doing this, try setting boundaries and reciprocating those boundaries with others as far as methods of communication goes. Don’t allow someone to abuse you verbally…and do not do that to them either. You might need to stay alone on broken-heart island and just work through it solo if the other party is not receptive to working on things. If someone is hurting you with more than words that’s not acceptable either. Move on from them and heal yourself from the torment they caused before allowing any others to complicate things. If you were the one that injured someone, you need to atone for it. Apologize, move forward, and try harder.
Eight’s Insight: Don’t get gobbled up by all that heartache. Eight knows what it’s like to sit around and worry, worry, worry about all that others have done so that you don’t trust people again because that’s when you get hurt. Someone might be treating you like an object or what they think is a lesser being, an animal, even though they are the real monster. You might still be listening to word ghosts from your childhood bullies. You don’t need to hear that anymore. If you’re projecting onto present people in your life, it’s time to stop. You can’t punish other people for someone else’s mistakes. You can only wallow in the betrayal for so long until it starts keeping you grounded to a place nobody will ever want to be permanently stranded. Yank out those swords and avoid getting pierced again. Find joy in the kindness of a familiar. Understand the wisdom that our precious animals and plants possess. Find the beauty in a dandelion clock floating in the wind. Find something that is more engrossing than the pain to get you out of the negative head and heartspace you’ve placed yourself or the situation in which someone’s put you.