IX of Swords Spell
Cheers to my fears!
They're all coming clear.
Sooner than I realize,
My nightmares materialize.
Lightbulbs into eyeballs
Rope-climbing, nose-diving
Skin, hiving.
Heebie-jeebies
Grandma's diabetes.
Breathing in gas til she chokes
Sneaking in chocolate and smokes.
What a hoax!
False teeth out and about,
chasing us around; it's funny, honey.
Sacred pillow thrown away,
dolls in ovens, so much pain..
Where even am I now?
Who's house and who, what, when, and how?
Liar, liar, pants on fire...
pants off, girl, now touch it, higher.
Firecracker, firecracker,
rah, rah, raw.
Lift up that skirt,
Open that jaw.
What the fuck happened in this house?
The secrets sneak around like a mouse.
Who's hiding?
Who's seeking?
I'm not looking,
I'm definitely not peeking.
I close my eyes, tight, not tightly.
Pinch myself, am I alive? All's unsightly.
I wish I were dead...
is this madness all in my head?
Sometimes it's hard to separate what I've heard
from what has happened; it's all blurred.
Scary not safe
dead, not awake.
I told her and she said nothing.
I told them and they said nothing.
But it was something.
What I told them was everything.
I told him but he wouldn't stop.
If he doesn't, I might just chop it off.
Trapped in this hell...
It doesn't matter who I tell...
Nobody's listening.
Change the channel.
The static's hissing.
The window is open, but I can't get out.
The rope is curling around my throat, no doubt.
If I escape, if I climb, I might fall
onto the troubles that await for me, my downfall.
And, even if what's happening is the worst in the world
I can still just skate and twirl, twirl, twirl...
Forget what I've heard,
Unsee what I've seen.
Leave it all behind
and let them come clean.
Fires, lies, I'm hypnotized.
Take sides, realize, scandalize.
Perfect childhood,
birthday parties and French fries.
Swimming pools and Kennywood rides.
Lies, lies, lies...
Fears,
The great surprise...(suprise)
Love only existed between my thighs.
No matter what terrors lived in this space
I'm going to get out of this hellacious place.
If I still have some faith and just a little hope,
when I untie the knot, the noose is only a piece of rope.
If I still have some faith and just a little hope,
when I untie the knot, the noose is only a piece of rope.
NIGHTMARES, FEARS, ANXIETY
Nine is here in the form of completion, materialization, and accomplishment. What does that mean for the IX of Swords then? The victimization of the last sword card, whether it was by your own hand or another, has amplified and come to fruition. Now, all of your fears are here to party! But, I’m not sure this party’s that fun. You don’t really want to be thinking about all these horrible things, but it’s like you can’t help it. You’re in a state of near panic, dreading everything because it all seems so scary. And, truth be told, it might actually be, depending on what your dilemma is. However, you don’t have to stay in that mindset. You might have to accept that some thoughts are just thoughts and some feelings are just feelings. It doesn’t have to become an action. Nothing is happening to you right now. It’s your mind that’s the problem. You feel like there’s something wrong with you or you can’t trust yourself. Think carefully about what’s real, what’s heightened, what’s imaginary, and what’s just what someone else told you, or what people have told you about yourself. It’s up to you alone to figure out what you want your story to be. Or to become.
Eight’s Insight: You’re paralyzed into one of your trauma responses: fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. Your mind doesn’t seem to want to grasp your complete situation right now. It’s consumed with the terror or it all. Your shame of what you endured is understandable, but you know it’s not your fault and never was. Same game, different people! It could have been anyone, but it was you. Predators will keep on killing their prey, or at least they’ll keep trying. You don’t have to be prey anymore. You’re all grown up, now. You are a beast of a survivor. You don’t need to feel scared anymore, if that’s now what you want. You already made it through the initial attack, so these lingering panic attacks and flashbacks can’t kill you. You already made it. You’re still alive….and still processing. You’ll never be able to make sense of a monster so just think of your trauma as your origin story to obtaining your superpowers. If you’ve lost your hope, you need to contact someone to help you understand that it’s just a rope if you untie the knot.