V of Cups Spell
Disappointed, disjointed,
on this morning of mourning,
I'm aborning my warning.
I've been anointed
in a rise-up ritual for the exploited.
"Just get over it.
Stop crying.
Quit that pining,
You little nitwit."
Okay, sure, it's my designing.
Flashbacks and panic attacks
associate with disassociation,
setting fire to my mire like a cremation.
Maybe I could move on
if I had a brain ablation.
But the static's so thick
I can't leave this station.
Drinking and drugging,
I’m doing anything but hugging.
Starving and bingeing,
My mind’s unhinging.
This pessimism colors all, tingeing.
But, I'm friends with this ghost.
I love her the most.
She's all I've lost.
And at what a cost!
Sure, I'll be moaning and groaning
about the incessant stoning,
the incestuous toneing,
missing and not missing the family I’m disowning.
But drowning in frowning
with her beats living and forgiving.
Unforgiving and alone.
Without bones.
With no home.
In an endless roam.
Without her, I’m a broken record stuck on fucked,
a losing lottery winner with no luck.
Without her, I’m no answer on the telephone.
But she always picks up, no matter my tone.
So, I hold on tightly,
and if she doesn't,
I'll act impolitely.
Hanging around,
banging the ground,
until the tears I’m looking for are found.
Dripping and draining,
these eyes will be paining
over all that's chaining,
over all I'm not gaining.
Blood and giggles,
Innocence wiggles.
Secrets and shushes,
Weirdos force hushes.
Goodnight, Moon,
with all your terrible phases,
with your hideous curtains
and ugly bunny faces.
Show me the sun
and all it erases,
bleaching out the black and gray
making sure they don’t stay.
But then again, this pain feels okay.
Cherry broken. Tulip busted. Rotten roses kiss my lips.
Skinny, harsh fingers that linger upon my hips.
Death smells.
Regret dwells.
I’m unwell.
Isn’t this swell?
Eight is great!
And so are all the others.
Should I call my mother?
Kiss my father?
Did I forget to tell?
Happy birthday to me.
Welcome to Hell.
Happy birthday to us, for eternity!
I love you, forever,
I mean it, sincerely.
You’re the best friend I never had.
You kept me safe from all the bad:
World's Greatest Mom!
Universe's Bestest Dad!
With you I’m okay only being sad.
You're always there, no matter what,
hanging out, stuck in my gut.
We'll blow out these trick candles
with all our lungs handle
and cry with the sky
about our scandal,
over and over
until the next sleepover.
We pinky promise to always remember.
that you'll still live inside me, forever,
from January until December.
But, from now on, let's live in splendor.
We'll sit here together until we run dry,
and have our last cry.
Goodbye, Crybaby, let's cry and cry and cry.
But, I’m friends with this ghost.
I love her the most.
She’s all I’ve lost.
And at what a cost!
SORROW, DESPAIR, LOSS
Fives can symbolize change and communication. You’re feeling the loss of something big, and it’s a huge transition for you. All the rainclouds on earth got together and spilled their sadness just on you. If you look away from the grief that’s enveloping you over your intense loss and disappointment, you might still see a shimmer of sun. Where there’s rain AND light there’s a rainbow, which is always positive and pretty. Although you want to keep holding onto that which you can never attain again, it still will be a useless yearn. Accepting that what happened to you was necessary on your path to eventual victory and success can get you through these gray clouds of overwhelming sorrow. Sometimes it feels good to sit and cry, to keep under the umbrella of comfortable depression you’ve gotten used to having around; however, there are still good things that are going to happen to you in this life. You can’t really accomplish much if you’re stuck having coffee with someone that’s not even there anymore. Don’t miss out on the feeling of happiness just because you’re scared to remove your cloak of comfortable anguish.
Eight’s Insight: One last good cry and you’re okay to say goodbye to that loss even though you’ve held it so close to you for so long. It’s okay to hold something so dear to you so tightly that you feel you’ll never lose it again; but in this case, the thing you’re holding on to so much is the thing you need to let go of in order to understand what the loss even meant. It’s not okay what happened to you, to the part that got taken away without permission; however, to be able to share your story with the rest of the world, you have to know what the words even say. This goodbye isn’t forever if you don’t want it to be. Sometimes we have to lose the most important thing to us to understand just how special that thing even was. Communicate clearly your need to end things when you’re ready and you’ll be satisfied with the closure, eventually.