X of Swords Spell
I'm almost there, almost dead.
This dream has died inside my head:
I had a family, loving.
I had a childhood, full of hugging.
Instead, I've accepted the wreck of it.
The normality of the depravity
has caused such insanity.
By the eye of the needle, I'm hanging,
not the thread.
I'm done with the bloodshed.
I'm dangling;
I'm done with the strangling.
My thoughts are still jangling
around in my skull.
That's all, folks!
I'm tired of the stokes.
and the dysfunctional "jokes".
The witch has cackled and sent her monkeys
to come at me with their flying,
with all their spying,
these die-hard flunkies.
But I'm no longer a "love" junkie.
I don't need that sweet hit,
that "family," counterfeit.
I don't seek that punch in the face
that time can't erase,
that waste of headspace.
I don't need
those nails digging deep,
scratching into my psyche,
all pins and swords, spiky.
Nah, I'm no longer asleep.
I don't need no more trouble.
I'm quitting this spliff on the double.
I'm done taking puffs off this sick joint,
poison-laced and bullshit-filled,
like a cardboard cake or a plastic frame, gilded.
I don't need these games or puzzles.
I'm putting that bottle down without a guzzle.
I've no need to stifle myself anymore;
no need to dwell, drown, or pore
over the past and all you abhor.
There's no desire to bellow this fire
of criticism, hate, and mire.
There's no want to puff you up, to get you higher
by pushing myself down into the quagmire.
The belly of this beast will not be filled.
Perhaps it shall instead be poached or grilled.
Upon its flesh, deceased,
I'll feast.
I'll smile,
all the while
savoring my sweet treat.
I'm okay with this "defeat" being nearly complete
if it means what I'm losing is the prize of deceit.
I’m okay with this “defeat” being nearly complete…
if it means what I’m losing is the prize of deceit.
PAINFUL CONCLUSION, FAILURE, ROCK-BOTTOM RUINATION
Tens are endings, completion of a cycle, and the conclusion of your journey. The quest of Swords has been anything but easy. You’ve somehow ended up in the precarious situation of hanging from the uvula of some watery beast. But you’re smiling? That doesn’t make much sense. Aha, but it does! For the Swords journey was one of trial and tribulation so intense that you’re glad that it’s finally over. It can’t get much worse that being rock-bottom, so after this painful part is over, you’ll be able to feast upon a new start that is better than you ever imagined. If you maintain that fire inside of you, the willpower to survive, you can get through this life and evolve to a better one that is more fitting for someone as amazing as you. After it swallows you, this beast is slayed from the inside and you’re coming out with a delicious prize. You have the belief in yourself that can’t ever be destroyed; It’s water, fire, air and earth-proof. It’s made of something intangible that nobody can ever corrupt unless you give it up.
Eight’s Insight: You know you’ve lost everything and you can’t see anything positive from this ending occurring. Maybe you’d rather prolong this pain instead of experiencing a new hurt? How can you stay forever holding onto something that is going to kill you? Just stop holding. Feel the waves of pain come over you, let them swallow you whole. When you get to the bottom, in the belly of the whale, maybe you’ll understand that this monster was just of the mind and can’t actually murder you anymore. Your spirit can still be intact if your body is alive. So, as hard as it is to comprehend the atrocities that happened to you, you’ve got to or you’ll be permanently at the mercy of this wretched and savage creature. If you give up on yourself right now, don’t your perpetrators win? You know that the lies they fed you were poison. Once you get that poison out of your heart, your mind, your soul, your spirit will renew and you can start anew.